Parents: A Blessing or a Cursing

Moses descends from the back of Mt. Sinai to bring two tablets that outline the rules in which life will be governed. On that list is “honor” your father and mother. I have to be honest; it is extremely hard for me to believe such a commandment should be so universal.

I agree with Frederick Buechner in his book Wishful Thinking when he says,
“How do you honor them when, well-intentioned as they may be, they make terrible mistakes with you that have shadowed your life ever since?”
Or how about when they abandon you? Or they abuse you, either sexually, emotionally, or physically? Or what about the people who left home, went off to college and formed a faith that radically opposed that of their parents? These people find themselves disenchanted after questioning the faith that ‘mom and them’ gave ‘em. Or what about the females who accepted a call from God to go to seminary despite their parents said they were forbidden? What about the young men who discover they are homosexual and now are disbarred from their family trees? What about the young lady who never met her dad? Or the boy who was raised by unbelievers? What about the crack baby born into a hostile environment? Or the girl whose parents just give too little too late? Are these people required by God to “honor” their parents?

Life is not worth living in fear, denial, or guilt because of an out-of-date commandment.

I think a big reason why we struggle to see a need to honor our parents is because we long for a well overdue blessing.

I’m blessed to be raised by Christian parents. They are good people. My mom has taught special needs kids for 33 years. My dad has pastored the same church my entire life. They have sacrificed more for me and my brothers than any parent probably should.

But I lived the majority of my childhood radically smart-aleck. And over time the smart comments turned into disdain. As a teenager I was kind of mean. Probably because I am the younger of two highly successful brothers. I spent the majority of middle school and high school years parading around ballparks watching my brother play baseball. I quickly grew a thick callus and tried not to show it but I was longing and in desperate need of my parents’ blessing. I tried every way to find it. I acted up. I intentionally broke rules. I even attempted to accomplish all the things my other brothers accomplished – president of afterschool clubs, high GPA, play four sports. But nothing seemed to bring to me what it looked like my brothers were getting from mom and dad. I longed for a blessing.

It wasn’t until my sophomore year in college, I was preaching at a summer camp for LifeWay called Crosspoint. I remember my parents came to West Alabama University to hear me preach. After the worship service mom and dad looked at me with tears in their eyes and for the first time in my life I heard them bless me. All it took was to hear them say, “We are so proud of you!” All the pain, all the resentment, all the emotional energy – was released. I was finally somebody’s son. They had told me countless times before and in many fashions that they were proud of me but this was the first time I believed it. It wasn’t because I achieved something or earned a grade or received an award. I was just finally becoming me. I was at a place where I was comfortable enough to accept their blessing as well as their shortcomings and honor them for it.

Becoming who God made you to be might be the best way you could ever honor your parents.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Most Difficult Parable Ever

Image
Theologian N.T. Wright finds the parable of the fig tree to be quite strange.  He says, “Jesus' warning in Luke 13 is at once amplified by this almost humorous, yet in fact quite sinister, parable of the fig tree in the vineyard.” And it is sinister.  It’s a hard pill to take.  Jesus' parable goes like this: A man has as fig tree planted in his vineyard.  One day he comes out looking for fruit on it, but there are no figs.  He says to the vineyard keeper, “Look at this tree.  For three years, I've come hoping to find some fresh figs, but what do I find? Nothing.  So just go ahead and cut it down.  Why waste the space with a fruitless tree?” The vineyard keeper replies, “Give it another chance, sir.  Give me one more years working with it.  I’ll cultivate the soil and heap on some manure to fertilize it.  If it surprises us and bears fruit next year, that will be great, but if not, then we’ll cut it down.”...
Read more

The Bird of Dawning Singeth All Night Long

Image
This Christmas I was moved by the words of Frederick Buechner.  For my last blog of the year I offer to you his wisdom rather than my own ramblings.  I hope it does for you what it continues to do for me. Frederick Buechner says in his book The Faces of Jesus: On the dark bulwark of Elsinore, Shakespeare has Marcellus and Haratio reflecting on Christ in the opening scene of Hamlet: Some say that ever ‘gainst that season comes Wherein our Savior’s birth is celebrated, The bird of dawning singeth all night long; And then, they say, no spirit dare stir abroad, The nights are wholesome, then no planets strike, No fairly takes, nor witch hath power to charm, So hallowed and so gracious is the time These lines from the first scene of Hamlet in a sense say it all.  We tend to think time is just progression . . . as moment following moment, day following day, in relentless flow, the kind of time a clock or calendar measures.  But we ...
Read more

Sacrificing Joy

Image
I have been told my biggest weakness is I take myself too seriously. I agree. But here is my dilemma: My life is filled with responsibilities and deadlines. I go to school, pastor a church, assist my seminary in their admissions process, and feel obligated to be a good friend. My school takes up twelve hours a week plus roughly twenty hours of study. I work at least 10 hours on my sermon and spend two days a week with my congregation. Fifteen hours of my week is given to the McAfee Admissions Office and every Saturday I play softball with some friends. With this schedule I am up to 57 hours of responsibility time plus two days are given to my congregants. Why do I do this you ask? Because I can. Because God is blessing me in it. Because it gives me a sense of fulfillment. All of these shape an identity for me. And I love every second of it. We are all busy people. We all know what it is like to work the extra hour or sign up for one my volunteer role. We all over...
Read more