When Faith is Hard to Come By


John 20:19-31 may be my favorite text to preach.  It touches the core of what we humans deal with day and day out – hurt. 

For numerous reasons Thomas feels, as do we, that it’s not enough that God conquers death.  For numerous reasons Thomas, as well as us, becomes dogmatic about seeing God in his life.  The real truth is his faith is slipping further and further away and he isn’t ready to accept someone else’s understanding of who God is. Thomas just keeps thinking about how God has not shown up in his life.

We agonize over our plight, like Thomas, we fret over our predicaments, and pray for God to show God’s self and to help relieve our pain, but sometimes it seems like we are praying to a wall – a wall that never responds. 

We spend our lives searching to fill this God-shaped void.  We spend thousands of dollars, thousands of hours, and thousands of worries trying to figure out meaning for ourselves in life.  We calculate our burdens, compare them to our desires, and hunt for a solution that balances life’s equation. 

For Thomas, God has disappeared.  God’s no longer the balance to life’s equation and, therefore, no longer a variable.    

We are just like Thomas.  When we feel hurt, abandoned, alone, oversaturated by life’s worries, hardships, and turmoil, we look out to the world for answers.  And most of the time, God, out in this world, seems too small to help or too distant to care.  Our peace fades, our faith slides, and our hope stops. God no longer plays a part in balancing our equations for peace.

God was too small for me once.  I needed justice for a situation in life.  It was my junior year in college.  I was a baseball player at Belmont and I had earned a starting position.  Every fall we compete for a starting spot.  We count every at-bat, every error, every win and every loss.  At the end of the fall season I did well enough to start.  But when we got back from Christmas break I was placed on second on the depth chart for the outfield.  A freshman with loads of talent took the starting job from me – and for no reason other than he had potential. 

I was demoralized.  I know it sounds trite but I had worked and pushed as hard as I could; was told I would be rewarded for it, but then wasn’t.  I had longed for something, looked forward to something, dreamed about something and it was taken from me without my asking, knowing, or doing. 

Thomas felt the same way.  He felt rejected and alone.  He didn’t ask for Jesus to die.  He didn’t want Jesus to abandon them.  And now he is left dealing with the pieces of not being able to start on the baseball team but yet show up and go through the motions of life and watch another story that he didn’t dream or help create take place. 

It’s demoralizing.  It touches us at our core.  It hurts. 

And I bet you know all too well how this feels.  Hoping for a different story.  Wishing for one more day with your spouse, your child, your friend.  Hunting for answers for why they died, got sick, divorced, didn’t show, dropped the ball, or just flat lied.  I bet you know what it’s like to wish God would grant one more prayer, just one more blissful moment in the midst of such unprecedented pain. 

Thomas longed to be back a part of Jesus’ community.  And you know exactly that which you long for too!  This longing reminds us that life doesn’t give to us what we think we’re promised.

But if John 20 tells us anything; if this faith of ours tells us anything – it says, “God may feel distant, but God’s isn’t.”  Jesus may feel dead, but he’s not.  God is alive and Jesus standing in the room, in the midst of your panic, in the midst of your longing, in the midst of your anger, whispering, breathing, saying, “Peace be with you.” 

The truth is God never stops moving and Jesus never stops being among us.  God is here and Jesus needs us to see his scars, see his wounds, touch is hands, so we can then tell the world about it.  If our story tells us anything, it says, “God shows God’s self to us when we need it the most.  When we doubt it the most.  When we seek it the most.” 

John 20 is the perfect reminder that in the midst of our pain and anguish – God’s there too.

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